The right kind of wrong

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I hate chain emails like these, so I cut out the “Send this to so and so many people bit, but I really liked the email. As a matter of fact, Mum sent the very same email to me just after the break-up with M. I felt it spoke to me in a way, so I decided to translate it into English and put it up here. Funnily enough though, another good friend of mine sent this to me in English. She just loves chain mails and sends me lots of crap, but sometimes nice once too.

It’s so true what it says though. People really are in your lifetime for differnt reasons. Teachers, councellors, taxi drivers, you name it. Then the season people. I guess that’s a description of a relationship. How they bring you a lot of joy. When I first read this, I thought M perhaps could fit very well into the season category. I really hope not, because I do want him back in my life too badly for that. And if nothing else, I want him back as my friend. I guess I’ve had many seasonal friendships too. In fact, the woman who sent me this email falls into that category.

And as for all my life time relationships, like with mum, dad, (although that can at times be tense) sister, her parents, my brother and all. I do cherish them a lot.

Rambling on a bit here. I’m not sure if it’s the heat that does it, or the fact that I haven’t had a chance to have a good orgasm since the night with Shayne. It’s kind of disgusting to wank when you share a bed with your sister and I don’t really get much privacy during the day, so I’ve had no choice but to stay off it. I’m looking forward to agreat session with my toys when I get bac though. I can hardly wait for that in fact!

I stumbled across a song which reminds me a lot about M’s and my relationship. The right kind of wrong with Leanne Rhymes. I always find that music express so much more sometimes than words.

Anyway, It’s time for a wank now… I mean, it’s time to watch Friends with my sister. Tomorrow we’re going out of this hot city to Lumut which is on the west coast of Malaysia, for two days on the beach. I’m looking forward to enhance my tan! Hopefully there’s a spa there, cause I really need a propper back and neck massage! We’ll spend new years eve in Lumut, so since I won’t be writing from there, I’ll wish you all a good, happy, successful, lovely, orgasmic, erotic, fantastic, super, sexy and fun new year! xxxxx

One month later

Ok, so it’s been a month since M, very unfairly I might add, broke up with me. How have I moved on from then?

Well, I’ve managed to get out of my bed and somehow control my depression. With Prozac, something I am really not that proud of. It’s also dried me out, which makes sex slightly uncomfortable. This reminds me, I did write just after I got on them that they wouldn’t do anything to my sex drive. Well, I was kind of wrong. Being a bad girl with a fairly high libido though, I still do want sex, but the capital O doesn’t seem to happen as quickly as it normally does. It makes things with Shayne less enjoyable physically, but well, I won’t be on them for much longer. And I am glad I went on them because I took the BBC rejection very bad.

I do still miss M though, and despite what happens, I do still love him. I had a dream a couple of nights ago that he had gotten back with Bee which was awful. I think of Bee often. She’s a lovely girl and I am truly sad to have lost her. M, M! I miss you! How are you doing over there in Vancouver?

Then there’s KS of course. That guy totally loves me. He is great, hot, sexy, intelligent and sarcastic, all I want in a guy. I think what prevents me from falling totally for him is that I’m not quite over M. I have a feeling though that getting together with him can be fun, and if nothing else, an experience. Hey, I’m still young right? So nothing wrong with that. I just have to make sure I don’t hurt anyone too badly including myself. I feel bad though, because if M emailed me in a month saying we should get back together, I knew the right thing would be to say no and choose KS, but M’s totally got me! Why can’t I be single? I don’t know really. I guess I can. I don’t mind being single and I’ve had some great periods being single. I guess I just really don’t want that. And it’s not like KS’s second best at all. He really is great; I just need to get M out of my head. I’m realizing how screwed all this sounds. Also, I don’t want to wait around for something which might never happen and then have lost a great chance with someone else!

Then, there’s the fact that I’ve been a very good girl in terms of not calling, texting or emailing M, something I’m very proud of. All I did, was sending him a Happy Christmas and new year SMS, but I kind of sent that to everyone in my phone book, so that doesn’t really count does it?

So, basically, I’ve moved on, but without completely getting over M. I’ve done loads of positive things such as going to Norway, going to Malaysia and meeting another guy. A bit soon to meet someone else. Too early, but as I said, I’m still young.
M, if you read this ever, just know that I still love you and that I’m thinking of you. I know you want the best for me. So I’m trying to be happy for your sake. I hope you’re happy too whatever you’re doing right now.

Merry Christmas!!

I had a really weirdd, but quite vivid dream last night. I dreamed that I was checking my email and that I had received an email from a journalist who I quite admire and who happens to have this blog address. This is how the email in my dream went:

Hi,

I’ve had a look at your blog. You do write really well and there’s lots of good stuff here. However, your blog isn’t funny at all and it lacks sense of humour. Maybe you could do something about that?

On a lighter note, I think you should sign your blog up for the annual, British Weblog award. I think you’ll have some good chances there but do take my advice please and make your blog more fun to read.

Don’t give up.

Have a merry Christmas and a happy new year and looking forward to go drinking with you when you’re back in London.

Weird or what? I often remember my dreams down to little details like that. My friends think I’m a bit of a freak because of it, but at least it perhaps made you, my readers laugh a little, or at least smile. Hmm. Should I try to make this blog funnier? I don’t quite know how to. Maybe writing down some of my weird dreams would help?

Anyway, Christmas is over now. At least the main part of it. Being Norwegian, we celebrated Christmas Eve. After a morning walk in the jungle and a climb up 272 stairs to a Hindu temple, we went home, showered, dressed and my sister and I watched the Czech version of Cinderella which is on TV in Norway every year on Christmas Eve. Afterwards we had pork rib, sausage and vegetables. We ate till we got stuffed and then we opened our gifts. It’s not like when I was a kid, when opening of Christmas presents took hours and I got so much I could hardly carry it all with me. I got a book by my favourite author, Liza Marklund, a few silver bangles from Bali, a wine bottle stopper with a Santa on top, sports bra and bikini and some kitchen stuff.

Afterwards, my parents headed off to bed and sister and I watched season 5 of Friends which she got and ate ourselves silly on crisps, chocolate and loads more crap.

This morning we had a long work out session to run off any weight we might have gained the day before, sent some time by the pool where we swam a bit and listened to the book I got, before we went down to KLCC where we looked around a few shops and then went for a meal and watched the twin towers.

Tomorrow, we’re going back to China town to do some shopping! I’ll get all presents for my friends while I’m there.

I wish you all a very happy Chrismas and that you’re all having a fab time!

Loving Malaysia

What I love so much about tropical countries are the sounds and smells you doesn’t get in the cold Northern hemisphere. For instance I love sitting on the balcony listening to the cicada’s singing. When I was a little girl, somebody told me that they take seven years to hatch and then live for a week. It reminds me of this poem about the guy who lived for a week:

Born on Monday
Christened on Tuesday
Married on Wednesday
Ill on Thursday
Grew worse on Friday
Buried on Sunday.

I mean, what’s the point of staying in an egg for seven year and then live and sing for seven days? God really is hard to understand sometimes.

Sister and I got up fairly early yesterday morning. I didn’t feel too bad in terms of being jetlagged, but hat kicked in later however. Mum had cooked us a nice breakfast with fried eggs, bacon and we had yoghurt and fresh fruits, which is also something I love about being in the tropics. The fresh fruit that is. Then, we went to the gym in the basement where we had an hour long work out before we went to swim in the pool and sun bade a little.

In the evening we headed to my favourite part of KL. Petaling Street, the street where China town is. It’s a long street, and it has a more Asian exotic feel tot it than the rest of KL. They have stands everywhere as well as shops where you can by everything you please. Sister and I went from shop to shop and stand to stand accompanied by men shouting things like “Beautiful princess, come here!” when we passed them. One even had the balls to grudge up against my butt, so I turned around and knocked what I hope was a hand in a pocket away.

Afterwards we went to a restaurant in China town where we had Satay and egg fried rice while live musicians where singing old pop songs nearby.

We were shattered when we got home and decided that we were gonna go back to China town for a shopping trip on Boxing Day.
This morning I woke up feeling a lot better than the day before. My eyes that had been dry from air condition and jetlag the day before, where normal and I I’ve managed to stay awake all day.
We went down to Bangsar shopping centre, where Sister and I went to the hair dresser and had a manicure and pedicure, all three at the same time. I felt like a queen, or shall I say Quenesse? They have a funny way of washing hair over here. Rather than wetting your hair first, they shampoo it while it’s dry and then rinse it out. While shampooing, they give you a thorough head massage which feels wonderful. They also do this when putting conditioner, but they do that the way we’re used to in the west. It all took two and a half hours and refreshed and feeling beautiful, we went to meet mum in a cafe and had lunch.

This evening we baked ginger cookies and helped mum prepared for a party she’s throwing tomorrow. We also did some Christmas Eve preparations. Norwegian celebrates Christmas Eve rather than Christmas day, so our big day will be Monday.

It’s great being here. I do have a somewhat tense relationship with my parents, but I don’t see them that often, so it’s ok. They do drive me mad sometimes though. Especially mum who wants tings to be done her way. Dad’s kind of scary. I never know what his mood is, so I always keep a low profile when he’s around. Tonight though, we had a great conversation about anything and everything. What also annoys me a little is the size of this apartment. My mobility is usually quite good, but this flat is 400 square meters and very open, so it’s hard to find my way around. The first floor, or rather the 12th isn’t as big as the ground floor or the 11th, the bedrooms are huge, all with en suite bathrooms.

In the tropics at last!

I did not get the job! I couldn’t believe it when the BBC phoned me yesterday morning to tell me the bad news. I’ve felt bad when I didn’t get something before, but I so wanted this, I was angry and sad and I think the woman, one of the interviewers from the previous day could sense my despair, because she sounded sorry about it. She said though, that I had impressed a lot and that they should keep me on the files. Not really any short term consolation.

KS and our friend MM came down to see me straight after the phone call, which I guess wasn’t all that great seeing as I was not exactly bright and shining with happiness, even though I was gonna go to Malaysia in a few hours. When MM left, I started crying too. I know it’s silly, but it’s a big thing for me to come and live in London from Norway, or Scotland, hoping to get a job where you’ve always wanted it, but then, when you were that close didn’t get it. I guess it’s a similar feeling to people who, hungry and thirsty in the middle of the desert sees a stream and run towards it only to discover the whole ting was Mir ash. So there I was crying like a baby. KS held me and told me it was going to be OK. That I was gonna get something quickly, that I was strong and shouldn’t give up. For a long time he sat like this. He, like me is a Christian, and had been praying for me to get the job a lot during my interview.

Then it was time for me to leave. I got to the airport ok, and met Sister in Amsterdam. The flight over to Malaysia went alright. It’s a very long flight, 11 hours, so we were happy when we finally got there. The journey wasn’t too bad though. We managed to sleep for at least half of it. I was sorry I didn’t have good news about my job to my parents who also had great’s hopes and faith min me. In my mind I had been fantasising about telling them that I got it while we had our first meal out in Bangsar, the part of KL where they live. For those of you who don’t know, KL is short for Kuala Lumpur. I feel I don’t really have anything to come back to when I go to London. Ok, I’ve got my friends, my flat, a great social life and a great place to go back to, but no job worth talking about!!!!

I am sitting very comfortably on the double bed I share with sister. I know that’s weird, but there are only double beds in this flat and sister and I have always slept together so it would be strange not to.

It’s good being here despite anything though. KS played me a lovely tune before I left. Its lyrics are beautiful, and I’ll find it and put it here. It’s by Dj Ironik and it’s called, So Nice.

“So Nice”
Alryt Itz Ironik Rite Now Yea I Gotta Big Up Rudekid On Da Produktion Man Coz Diz Tune Is Beutifull Like Ima Break It Down Foh U Lot In Da Bst Posible
Way Listen Tuu Da Word Man Carfully Look…

Im In Love With The Way That You Smile And The Way You Look In My Eyes Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Tings We Do Wen We Go Out It Feels Right Its
So Nice… Im In Love With The Way We Chat All Night Get Along And Ave No Fights Its So Nice… Who Says Relasionships Cant Work Out Man I Swear Down Dats
Not Rite Look… Im In Love With The Way That You Talk Im In Love With The Way That You Walk Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Perfume You Wear I Swear
No1 Cant Say Dats Not Nice…. Im In Love With The Way That You Say I Love You All The Time I Swear Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Way That Your All
Mine And Im In Love With The Way That Your So Rite… Im In Love With The Way That You Sing Along To Dis Song Everytime You Hear It Comin On And Im In
Love With The Way You Cry Sometimes Wen I Make A Mistake Its So Nice… So Nice… So Nice… Im In Love And I Can Feel It Cze Its So Rite And Its So
Nice… Im In Love With The Way That You Can Relate To Dis Song Everytime You Hear Comin On And Im In Love With The Way That You Come To My Shows And
Show Your Support Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Things That You Do And Im In Love With The Way That You Dont Ave A Clue Look Im In Love With You
Man… Its True Storys Man Look Im In Love With The Way That You Tell Your Frendz Dat U Love Me All Da Tyme Itz So Nice… Im In Love With The Way That
You Sleep And Im In Love With The Way That You Speak Itz So Nice…. Im In Love With The Way Tha We Come So Far In A Relationship Itz So Nice… Hu Says
Relationshipz Cant Last Years Man I Swear Dats Not Rite…. Im In Love With The Way That U Sing Along To Dis Song Everytime U Hear It Comin On And Im In
Love With The Way That U Cry Sumtymz Wen I Make A Mistake Itz So Nice… So Nice… So Nice… Im In Love I Can Feel It Cze Its So Rite And Its So Nice…

I Love Everything You Do Im In Love I No Its True Your Apart Of Wot I Do Im In Love And Itz Onli You… So Nice… So Nice… (Hey Sing Along Agen Man)
I Love Everything You Do Im In Love I No Its True Your Apart Of Wot I Do Im In Love And Itz Onli You… Yeah Yeah Its So Nice Yeah Oi Man Itz Ironik Listen…
Im In Love With The Way That U Sing Along To Dis Song Everytime U Hear It Comin On And Im In Love With The Way That U Cry Sumtymz Wen I Make A Mistake
Itz So Nice… So Nice… So Nice… Im In Love I Can Feel It Cze Its So Rite And Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Way That We Make Love And Im In Love
With The Way That Yur Laydee Like And Dont Say Dumb Words Like Brov… Itz So Nice… Everytingz Perfect And Im In Love With The Way That Yur Werfit
Im In Love With The Way That U Turf Dem Dem Dumb Boiz, Dem Hungry Guyz I Dont Care Coz Dere Not Werfit Im In Love With The Way Im Yur Man Im In Love
With The Way That U Respect Ma Fanz Im In Love With The Way That We Can Walk In The Streetz And Still Hold Hands (Itz So Nice) Im In Love With Ur Heart
(And Soul) Im In Love With The Way That Ur Beutiful Im In Love With D’z Lyrics Dere Meaninfull Im In Love With Its True Storys Haa I Swear Down Like…Dats All I Got Tuu Say But Dat Shud B E Nuff Yeah

The big interview

I arrived at the TV centre 15 minutes, in other words, in good time before my interview. I was ever so slightly impressed. A hispanic guy wanted to make sure I was confortable while waiting, so he gave me coffee and told me that if I ever needed anything, I could shout for him. I never do when people tell me I can, but it’s a nice gesture. I had to wait nearly half an hour as the interviews were running a bit late.

The people interviewing me were two women.They were very friendly and it looked like they’d read my application form well, cause they started asking me about Norway and Malaysia. The rest of the interview went ok. I did feel a little stupid when one of them asked me what I thought of the programme she was the editor for. I happen to really like it, and told her so. I had the feeling though that she wanted me to critique it a little bit more. When it came to the other question, I felt as if they were a little impressed with me, but that might just be me wishing. They asked me how I would run a story for their programme, find ideas angles, etc. And when they asked me about my research methods, I squeezed in why I researched like I did in relation to BBC policies. Having a degree in journalism also helped. I got given some questions where I could use all my academic knowledge.

well, I’ll know tomorrow. I hope it’s good news. At least if they’re bad, I’m going to Malaysia straight afterwards. I want it though, I want it, I want it!!!! Please God, Jesus, somebody!!!! Give me that job!! Please please please!!!!

A night of passion

He came around 8. He had that good smell about him. A mixture between aftershave and a slight hint of tobacco. He held me tight. Kissed me, laughed into my hair. Happy to see me.

We went to the living room. We drank wine and had ginger cookies. We chatted loads. Laughed. He started kissing me. Couldn’t get enough of me. Buried his head between my breasts and ran his tongue between them making little circles. My hands in his short afro hair. Kissing the top of his head.
“I like.” he said and pulled me tighter if that was possible.

After what I think was a couple of hours, we got up. I led him to my bed. We lied down on it still kissing. His tongue gently on my throat. Our clothes coming off slowly. His warm, almost overheated body pressed against mine. My nipple in his mouth. Him half on top of me stroking me all over with his hands. Me lightly massaging his shoulder. His body so perfect and skin so smooth.

His finger on my clit making slow stroking moves. Him moaning my name and kissing me again and again passionately on my lips. Him making me crazy with his fingers. He knows exactly where all the right spots are and he knows that he knows. “Us Caribbean guys like our sex
” he said. “And we treat our women like queens.” “But you are, a Queeness.” I laugh at the made up word. He laughs with me. “You’re my queeness.” he says.

Him entering me. It feels more natural than the first time. We know each other better now and we’re prepared for it.
Afterwards his tongue pleasing me. He tells me how much he likes doing it. Then, he enters me again. In between all this passion we talk. Tell each other jokes, laugh, talk about how pretty our kids, if we ever had any would be.

I fall asleep while he strokes my hair and talks to me about the exotic Barbados in his soft accent. I wake up by his phone ringng.ing It’s morning already and despite saying he had to leave, he slept next to me all night. He has to go, but not before he’s kissed me passionately over and over and told me to come see him soon, after my interview.

Two more days!!

Today, I finally realised how soon I am leaving this cold, but oh so lovely city to a tropical warm place where I will swim, eat lots of good food, excersise, spend quality time with family, go for jungle walks and loads more. I am almost feeling like a little child. You know that familiar feeling of looking forward to something so much waiting seems impossible?

Before the joys of travelling though, it is the BBC interview to do. I am feeling quite confident with regards to that one. I’ve worked for them freelance before and know a lot about the organization, so I’ll use my knowledge to my advantage. I am really passionate about the BBC and really want this job! Feeling quite nervous though.

Tonight KS’s coming over. He has promised me a full massage, so that’s also something to look forward to!

Sundays

What is it about sundays? Like Saturday, Sunday is a day off, but for some reason is harder to enjoy Sundays as much, or well, it’s not the Saturday feeling of being off anyway. Maybe I’m just talking crap here, but I’ve always felt this way about Sundays.

I saw KS again yesterday afternoon. Not only that, but I even met his step mum, dad and his two little siblings, a boy and a girl. They were really nice people and KS said to me when they ahd gone that his dad thought I was beautiful. Good to know, I mean, if anything more than friendship and sex ever happen between us, that the family like me.
Afterwards, I went to High Maintenance femme where we spent the evening eating pizza, drinking wine and watching porn and ex factor. A really good night it was. KS kept texting me all evening. it feels so good to be admired by somebody so hot! HMF and I also had great fun in trying to lead Mr. C into believing we were gonna had sex last night, something which was absolutely hilarious!

Today, I spent most of the day reading A thousdand splended suns by Khaled Hoseini, which I nearly finished. It’s an absolutely great book! Then I went to see KS and his brother J. really cool guy. K, another girl who lives in my block was over too. We had some weed, chocolate and chatted loads.
It’s turning into Monday as I write, so I guess I’m gonna have to go to bed pretty soon. I can’t believe I’m going to Malaysia in less than three days!! M went to Canada today. Hope he doesn’t move back there!!!

Coffee with milk

I did not get that job. I’m not too bothered about it. Ok, I’m sorry and all, but I guess this job wasn’t meant for me. The big man up there’s got other plans for me. For instance, I am going for an interview with the BBC on Tuesday, so that’s pretty exciting. I stand a better chance of getting that job as I have freelanced for them before and know some pretty prominent people who work there. We shall see. Please keep fingers crossed for me!

Yesterday was the strangest day I’ve ever had probably. Where I live, they had a sort of communal Christmas drink thing around lunch time with nibbles. I was around, something I rarely am on a Friday, so decided to pop along for a few nibbles. When I got there, I met one of my neighbours, Ks, whom I’ve never spoken to before. He is a Caribbean guy from Barbados 20 years old and job hunting. His intelligence, charisma and good humour and smell attracted me at once, and we sat around talking for a while before we decided to continue our chat in his flat. Obviously, I’m not over M, but I really liked KS and we connected well. I also felt a very strong physical attraction to him. I could sense he felt the same way.

We didn’t do much. He showed me some great Reggae music and we shared a couple of joints. I even got the pleasure of meeting a real Jamaican dealer, Dwayne and I got all my prejudices about black guys confirmed. Well, not exactly prejudices, but stereo type things you know. They do in fact call each other brov and they do say bless bless bless before hanging up the phone.
It was the first time I actually smoked weed, but I agreed very well with it. It just made me feel chilled out and I didn’t get the mungies like many people claim they do.

The weed also gave me the great horns which apparently is a pretty common side effect according to a couple of my friends. I really wanted to get KS laid that night. I was determined. So in my stoned chilled state, I turn to him and asked, “If you could have something right now, this very moment, what would it be?” He sat thinking for a while before saying: “Sex with an amazing person.” This encouraged me even more. Now I was sure something was going to happen. We were listening to Green Day, the American idiot album by then. All of my senses felt sharper. I could hear every single nuance in the music so much better. I noticed things about that album, which I’ve played a lot that I hadn’t heard before.
We got up. His arms around me. His bed soft as I sat down on it. Eventually I was lying on it. He laid down beside me. We hadn’t kissed yet, just hugged all that evening, ok, not all evening, but from time to time. We were chatting, but got quieter as we listened to the music. Our arms around each other. We were hugging again. Then our lips found each other and we were kissing. Our tongues playing. He moaned and pulled me tighter. I could feel his hardness through his trousers against my thigh. We started kissing again. Slowly, our clothes went off.

It’s true what they say about black guys. They do have big cocks! KS isn’t totally black either. His skin is the colour of coffee with milk and he smells and tastes very good.

He was good, but got stuff to learn. He touched me till I almost came and then entered me. Too quickly. It was a little painful. He loved it! Kept telling me, how sexy lovely and wet I was. He didn’t last for long. He went down on me afterwards. He was really good at that! Way better than with his fingers anyway. “You like?” He kept asking me breathing into my pussy. “I like,” I replied.
My orgasm wasn’t powerful, but I felt satisfied afterwards. He kissed me passionately again. I don’t know why, but I was on the verge of crying. “You know I can’t have a relationship right now?” I asked. “Yeah, and I respect that.” he replied shutting me up with a new kiss as I was about to say something more. “Just shut it Hun,” he said. “You’re great, sexy, amazing. We’re friends.”