I think I know now

I have been thinking for a couple of weeks about my love life and I think I have reached my conclusion, and that is that I am falling madly for Mr A. It’s not something I have realised light heartedly, but still it is the truth. The connection between him and me, both physically and mentally, is beyond amazing and we can talk, make love or do both for hours and hours. I can’t stop thinking about him when he’s not there and miss his body next to me when I am in bed at night. I can’t stop wishing I have his body next to me when it’s KS’s. It makes me feel rotten1 I have to tell KS. Not that I’ve had an affair with Mr A, nor that I like him, but I have to break up with him. It’s gonna be hard. I really love and care about this guy, only not quite as a girlfriend, but more as a friend. I want nothing more for him than for him to be successful, happy and find someone else he can care about. I think the problem I have with him as a GF, am that he’s younger than me and can’t give me that same stimulation, neither physically or mentally. He has not undertaken any higher education and like Mr A and myself, isn’t hungry for knowledge of all kinds. He is fun and intelligent and all that, but he doesn’t do it for me in the same way.
He’s gonna be gutted. He worships the ground I walk on and he’ll do anything for me. He’s doing nothing wrong, but I feel as if I’m in control of our relationship to a large degree, because I am older and more experienced with life. Don’t get me wrong, I am not putting myself above him. Give him a few years and he’ll be a superb man! I’m also afraid that he’s gonna think he’s done something wrong towards me. I am afraid he’s gonna drink and smoke himself senseless! I don’t want that for him! I care about him too much for that! I’ve spoken to him indirectly about it. Said tat if it didn’t work out I hope we can be friends because he means a lot to me. I don’t know how to put it to him though. I think, before I go to Norway for Easter, I’ll talk to him about having a break and then take it from there.

Ok, my head is full now. So I’m gonna go think some more. I just wanna curl up in bed and cry and let someone else decide for me. My poor poor KS!

Tags: KS, love. relatinoships, Mr A