Betrayed!!!!

I don’t even know to begin. I don’t know whether I’m able to write anything sounding like words and sentences at the moment. I’m so angry!! Angrier than I’ve ever been and hopefully will ever be in my entire life. All I wanna do is break everything breakable I possibly have in my flat, harm myself, I don’t fucking care! I need to do something soon or I’ll explode!!!!!!!!

The whole story began on Thursday night. I came home from a shift at work and Twin A had been working with me. I was happy and I was looking forward to seeing A as was planned. I’d built up quite a lot of frustrated feelings over the passed couple of weeks, so when A didn’t answer his phone I got mad. I texted Twin A in frustration since I knew he was awake and explained how I felt. “Go knock on his door,” he replied. I did, but very softly so that I shouldn’t make him grumpy if I woke him up. It was 2 in the morning after all. I called twin A as soon as I got back when I heard no answer. Something in my mind just….. Well, I don’t know I couldn’t see anything clearly and although I’ve said things like, I wanna kill myself in this blog before when I split `up with M, I got this rage over me that I though, I’m gonna do it. I told Twin A what I was up to he came around immediately to take my tablets. He stayed for a while to calm me down. I was fuming, crying calling everyone all sorts of names. Then, when I finally was calm enough to ask him to leave, my doorbell rings and there is A. I opened feeling panicked. Panicked from what I’d just been through emotionally and also guilty because Twin A was in my flat and A thought I cheated on him behind his back. Nothing had happened with me and Twin A still, I just felt guilty. As soon as A saw who was sitting in my living room he said coldly, “You’ve got visitors, that’s cool,” and ran off. Twin A ran after him. I was in shock and stood paralysed on the floor. Then I remembered that I had a very sharp knife in my drawer. Excellent for cutting meat and vegetables with. If A wouldn’t listen, I would simply get it over with my cutting my own throat. I went outside and heard the two guys arguing before A said some final words I couldn’t hear and was gone. Twin A came back, found me with the knife and we had a physical fight which ended in him taking the knife from me, putting it down and carrying me back to my living room where he got me to lay down on the floor. After having laid there for a while he sat and talked to me, telling me all sorts of reasons why I should still be alive, my doorbell rang again and it as A. Him and twin a started to have a fight in my hall and A came in to look for some papers he had lost. I must keep repeating to A that “I never fucked Twin A I don’t fancy him!” “Of course you aint,” he replied sarcastically. Before storming out, he said: 2Don’t worry, I won’t begging around gossiping about you to anyone, how you jump from KS to me to Twin A!”

After that, I had such a bad headache and I felt feverish all over. Twin A made me a cup of mint tea while I got ready for bed. I drank it while he told me all sorts of stuff about A, how nasty he really was, how he used me for sex and a lot more. I cried and cried and cried while he spoke and wrapped the duvet tighter around me. Had I been wrong all along? Was Twin A really the good guy and A the bad one? I told Twin a how I was sorry I avoided him, but I’d heard him and Twin B had a gay relationship together and that they were 20 years older than they pretended to be. I also told him I knew about the sick porn on his computer. He assured me that the age thing was a lay. A didn’t even say that about the age thing. That was fucking TG who I probably will have as little to do with as possible from now on. He said to me that A was the porn freak not him, he just downloaded it for a friend. I knew he was lying about that, but about the age thing, he’s gonna give me his birth certificate so I can get a trusted sighted friend to read it to me. I don’t know though, it could be false. I’ve got no idea how to find this out though. Twin A was gonna sit there until I fell asleep in case I damaged myself from pure anger and shock. 6 AM however, I heard A’s footsteps and then the ringing of my doorbell. From his last visit till then, I heard him walking passed many times. I also made sure to speak loud and clear so that he didn’t think we were having sex, twin A and I. “I’ve come passed here all night and I hoped to catch you by yourself so that we could talk,” he said. “But you know what? He’s still here, so that means you have all the comfort and company you want right now.” Twin A came out and they started to fight again. Louder this time. A tore the sheet he’d hung in front of my window in my door away and went in to look for a DVD he’d forgotten I’d given him back last week. I only remembers bits and pieces of what was said, so I can’t make a constructive account of the fight, but it involved A saying that had Twin A swear that he had never slept with me and that he had lots of personalities and that he was a fake bastard and that he’d heard a lot of our conversation to which I replied that I hoped he had and that I had managed to prove I didn’t sleep with Twin A.

The rest of the day was all text messages and angry exchanges between every party involved. It doesn’t end here though, but I don’t have more energy to write it all now, so I’ll take a break and write later tonight. A explained everything to me when I got back from Barcelona which was a hilarious trip I’ll write about as well. I am angry but I understand a few things now that I didn’t earlier.

Tags: A, Anger, betrayal, Hurt, love, Relationship, sex, Twin A