Explainations and clarifications

I please read the previous post before this one.

“I don’t want this to end babes.” These were the last words A said to me in the long phone conversation we had just after I finished working for the evening in Barcelona. It had been a long and hard conversation, but nothing was by no means clear yet. I couldn’t be all open and honest in the middle of a crowd at Hilton, but I said I’d come see him the next day when I came back to London. I felt horrible when I came in the door to my flat. I’d had a very good and amusing night the night before, and I was paying for it. I needed a shower, some food and I wanted to finish listening to the audio letter Mad had sent me. The last few words he’d said had given me a positive boost about the coming conversation, but I was feeling nervous as well. At 8.30 half an hour before I’d decided it was time to go see him, he text me asking if he could come down for a short while. Everything was explained. He’d heard things from Twin A suggesting I was flirty and a little bit slutty at work. I don’t know whether Twin A actually said those words, but what I think it was, was that he twisted it in such a way that A would pick up on it that way. He’d also heard from him that I was planning to announce the relationship at my birthday party, something I hadn’t planned at all. That’s why he hadn’t showed up. Because he’d heard these things, he’d said to Twin A about me that I was nothing but sex to him. To be fair, that’s how it started with both of us, but eventually feelings developed. He said he did have feelings for me, which I actually believe. Had it been just sex, he wouldn’t insist on not having sex a couple of the times we met. He also explained that Nadz, a mutual friend of hours had said something on the night when they chilled in her flat to wait to go to TG’s party. She’d told A he was naive. Naturally, A had thought I had made him the laughing stock at work because I slept with Twin A behind his back. However, what he concluded later was that she’d probably meant that Twin A was twisting the truth a little. The two of them are really clothes, and therefore, she knows him really well.

The whole talk really is very confusing to write down in detail, but we both came clean with what had been said and done, came to the conclusion that the underlying issue in our relationship had been that people had always, for some reason interfered. “At this point in time, I think the best thing we can do is to have a clean slate, not a clean break.” he said to me. “Do you hope we can get back together again?” I asked knowing it sounded childish, but I needed and still need reassurance. “Who knows,” he said. “But you want to right?” “Yeah, I hope we can build something up and be happy with no interference.” During the conversation, I had been sick twice from a terrible headache I’d had. I was feeling numb and tired. I leaned my head against his shoulder. “I’m gonna miss making love to you,” I said taking in the smell of him. The smell I like so much. Incense mixed with aftershave and hair products. He leaned his head on top of mine. “Oh no,” he said with a whisper. We put our arms around each other and sat like that for a long time. It felt so good holding each other. “So, why can’t you use me, just use me for sex?” I asked when we broke apart. “No, not now. I could a couple of months ago, but not now.” “And, not that I have the right to control you, but other women?” “I’ll not tell you unless you hear something and ask me. Then I’ll tell the truth,” he said. “But as the real gentleman I am, I’ll walk you home.” In my doorway we hugged again for a long time. “I’m gonna pray that one day…” I said. “Yeah,” He kissed my hand and I kissed his before he left me alone.

I guess being a woman in love; I’m reading so much more into the conversation than it really was. I mean, if I’m trying to be straight and sensible about this whole thing, we’re friends now and because we both have feelings for each other, it might go back one day to the way it was. We have agreed to try spending a lot of time together, do things so we get all nice and relaxed about each other. I just can’t bare the thought of another woman holding him, making love to him and him doing it to someone else! But I don’t own him. I just pray to God: Please God, make this work. Make this work in the foreseeable future! And it is a prayer I will keep repeating until I get an answer and some certainty one way or another. It pains me that I passed on information to twin A that A had told me about him such as the horrible internet porn thing, and I want nothing more than for A to trust me again. I wanna try building the trust up. And what is a slate? What does that mean? Please someone with better knowledge of English tell me what it means. Does is mean no more? So many unanswered questions. With regards to my job, I don’t know, maybe I should quit the restaurant. There has been too much slander going on about me that I feel comfortable working there, but then I don’t know. Twin A, as I said to A last night, I think the smartest thing I can do is to remain friends with him. I’m not gonna be close to him though. Not open up about my personal life. The two boys are no longer friends. The damage has been too big.

I love you A!

Betrayed!!!!

I don’t even know to begin. I don’t know whether I’m able to write anything sounding like words and sentences at the moment. I’m so angry!! Angrier than I’ve ever been and hopefully will ever be in my entire life. All I wanna do is break everything breakable I possibly have in my flat, harm myself, I don’t fucking care! I need to do something soon or I’ll explode!!!!!!!!

The whole story began on Thursday night. I came home from a shift at work and Twin A had been working with me. I was happy and I was looking forward to seeing A as was planned. I’d built up quite a lot of frustrated feelings over the passed couple of weeks, so when A didn’t answer his phone I got mad. I texted Twin A in frustration since I knew he was awake and explained how I felt. “Go knock on his door,” he replied. I did, but very softly so that I shouldn’t make him grumpy if I woke him up. It was 2 in the morning after all. I called twin A as soon as I got back when I heard no answer. Something in my mind just….. Well, I don’t know I couldn’t see anything clearly and although I’ve said things like, I wanna kill myself in this blog before when I split `up with M, I got this rage over me that I though, I’m gonna do it. I told Twin A what I was up to he came around immediately to take my tablets. He stayed for a while to calm me down. I was fuming, crying calling everyone all sorts of names. Then, when I finally was calm enough to ask him to leave, my doorbell rings and there is A. I opened feeling panicked. Panicked from what I’d just been through emotionally and also guilty because Twin A was in my flat and A thought I cheated on him behind his back. Nothing had happened with me and Twin A still, I just felt guilty. As soon as A saw who was sitting in my living room he said coldly, “You’ve got visitors, that’s cool,” and ran off. Twin A ran after him. I was in shock and stood paralysed on the floor. Then I remembered that I had a very sharp knife in my drawer. Excellent for cutting meat and vegetables with. If A wouldn’t listen, I would simply get it over with my cutting my own throat. I went outside and heard the two guys arguing before A said some final words I couldn’t hear and was gone. Twin A came back, found me with the knife and we had a physical fight which ended in him taking the knife from me, putting it down and carrying me back to my living room where he got me to lay down on the floor. After having laid there for a while he sat and talked to me, telling me all sorts of reasons why I should still be alive, my doorbell rang again and it as A. Him and twin a started to have a fight in my hall and A came in to look for some papers he had lost. I must keep repeating to A that “I never fucked Twin A I don’t fancy him!” “Of course you aint,” he replied sarcastically. Before storming out, he said: 2Don’t worry, I won’t begging around gossiping about you to anyone, how you jump from KS to me to Twin A!”

After that, I had such a bad headache and I felt feverish all over. Twin A made me a cup of mint tea while I got ready for bed. I drank it while he told me all sorts of stuff about A, how nasty he really was, how he used me for sex and a lot more. I cried and cried and cried while he spoke and wrapped the duvet tighter around me. Had I been wrong all along? Was Twin A really the good guy and A the bad one? I told Twin a how I was sorry I avoided him, but I’d heard him and Twin B had a gay relationship together and that they were 20 years older than they pretended to be. I also told him I knew about the sick porn on his computer. He assured me that the age thing was a lay. A didn’t even say that about the age thing. That was fucking TG who I probably will have as little to do with as possible from now on. He said to me that A was the porn freak not him, he just downloaded it for a friend. I knew he was lying about that, but about the age thing, he’s gonna give me his birth certificate so I can get a trusted sighted friend to read it to me. I don’t know though, it could be false. I’ve got no idea how to find this out though. Twin A was gonna sit there until I fell asleep in case I damaged myself from pure anger and shock. 6 AM however, I heard A’s footsteps and then the ringing of my doorbell. From his last visit till then, I heard him walking passed many times. I also made sure to speak loud and clear so that he didn’t think we were having sex, twin A and I. “I’ve come passed here all night and I hoped to catch you by yourself so that we could talk,” he said. “But you know what? He’s still here, so that means you have all the comfort and company you want right now.” Twin A came out and they started to fight again. Louder this time. A tore the sheet he’d hung in front of my window in my door away and went in to look for a DVD he’d forgotten I’d given him back last week. I only remembers bits and pieces of what was said, so I can’t make a constructive account of the fight, but it involved A saying that had Twin A swear that he had never slept with me and that he had lots of personalities and that he was a fake bastard and that he’d heard a lot of our conversation to which I replied that I hoped he had and that I had managed to prove I didn’t sleep with Twin A.

The rest of the day was all text messages and angry exchanges between every party involved. It doesn’t end here though, but I don’t have more energy to write it all now, so I’ll take a break and write later tonight. A explained everything to me when I got back from Barcelona which was a hilarious trip I’ll write about as well. I am angry but I understand a few things now that I didn’t earlier.

Good news

In everything that’s happened lately, I’ve completely pushed the good thing out of my mind. It is, ladies and gentlemen, that I have a job! A job! A proper contract. Ok, perhaps it’s not that much to scream about. Everyone gets a job right? Well, it’s just because it gives me more time in the UK for sure, so that I have more time to sort out what will happen at the end of my contract. It’s just an internship, lasting 3 months in the communication office of a Charity helping people with sight loss around the world. I have a suspicion, E’s boyfriend R, who works for this charity had a little say in the matter, because I practically got headhunted for it, no interviews, applications, nothing. Someone had just sent in my CV without me knowing, so I was very surprised when I got the email saying it was mine if I wanted it! And of course, I couldn’t say no! I don’t know anything about it yet though. I don’t know when I start, finish etc, but it’s made me relax!

Apart from getting good news about work, I took part in an event for blind and partially sighted women which were all about presenting yourself. We were split in two groups. My groups dealt with clothing first of all. Each VI girl was pared up with a lady from a significant bank and there were professional consultants there as well who walked around talking to us. My guide was well cool and we even looked slightly alike which was cool since she then could give me some very good tips on make-up for my complexion. We also had the same taste in clothes and a shoe fetish. I must admit I was a little nervous about going to this event. I’ve always cared about the way I look, and have heard many time I’m beautiful and dress well, but still, I almost felt like I was going to be judged on my looks that day. It went well though. This really cool New York girl, who worked with the clothes consultancy people, came over to me and she, my guide and I were talking about the way I dressed, what I liked and what type of work I was going to be doing. I got complimented on my style and Miss NYC and my guide suggested how I could expand a work wardrobe and dress so that it looked professional, fit for going out and sexy at the same time. The consultant company Miss NYC is with, offer to go shopping for free with clients, so she and I are gonna go shopping in central London some time soon! I really can’t wait!

Then it was make-up. I never really wear a lot of make-up. Not because I’m blind, but because my complexion’s good, I tint my eye-lashes and because I’m lazy. A lady from a well known International hair and beauty company did my make-up explaining every step of what she did, the colours she used and how it affected my face. My guide was next to me writing down the names and colours of what was put on my face. This was good quality make-up and I found I really liked having it on. It was also very easy to apply it so I decided to buy some of the things they’d brought so that I didn’t have to go to the salon. When I fall for something, I really want it there and then! But I gather I’m not the only woman like that. It was a great day and it felt a little like being at a day time girly party.

The next day, I spent with a photographer student who’s doing a project on blind people and movements, or something along the lines of that. Basically, VIs going about their day. It was cool even though I hate posing for pictures. We chatted a lot though and after having taken photos of me in my flat, we went to Brixton Market, did a little bit of shopping and had a nice meal. I’ll link his blog here.

When I got home, g came over and we had a long girly rant before she went home and I spent the rest of the night on the phone to Mad. Just as I was going to bed, my neighbour, who has my number because we once were in a forum together, texted me and asked me how the forum went. I said I didn’t know and we texted back and forth till he sent me lots of drunken texts asking me if it was ok if he thought I was lovely and sexy. I replied saying that his thoughts nobody could take from him, but to leave me alone please! I could tell he was drunk from the way the texts were written. I’m gonna ignore it this time, but next time I’ll react a little harder.

Just spending a night in tonight, maybe meeting A, but not sure.

Excitement

So, I’m starting my new job today. It’s a part time job and nothing really to do with journalism, but I don’t care as long as it means little bit of money in my account. I won’t consider myself a greedy person all after money, but let’s face it; money is certainly a motivating factor to do most things. I am starting my job as a waitress today. A waitress! I do like the sound of that. There’s something sexy about waitresses. It’s also something I couldn’t quite see myself doing, so I’m surprised I got it and went for it. All my friends who’ve worked in the restaurant cafe industry though, say it’s really cool and that you meet people from all over the world. Also, the manager is an ex journalist, so you never know what a job like that could lead to! You probably wonder how a blind girl can serve in a busy restaurant. Well, without saying too much about the place itself, I can say that it has been made accessible so that I can carry out my job. I’ll let you know how it goes!

I’m sad to say this, but it looks increasingly like I’ll have to leave England in the summer. I’m not happy about it. Especially now that my London life truly has kicked off and there’s so much action around me. The reason though has purely got to do with work. It looks like I can get some pretty good newspaper or broadcast jobs over there. I have contacts in the media which I don’t have here, who will put in a good word for me to the various bosses who happen to be friends of them. I stand a much better chance. I also think I can build myself a good life in Oslo, just as long as I have my boy with me. I don’t want anything to happen to our relationship just because I can’t stay here. If I go back, my father will buy me a flat in a good central part of Oslo and with regards to KS, I’m sure something can be sorted out for him so that he can live in Norway with me and get something to do. God knows all about me and my life so he will cater for anything that happens to me. I am certain though that if I move to Norway, I probably won’t go to church.

Also, it’s not expensive to go to England, so I can go back and see people, plus who knows, I might just go for a little period.
Dear God, please show me what I am to do soon so that I can be prepared.

In the tropics at last!

I did not get the job! I couldn’t believe it when the BBC phoned me yesterday morning to tell me the bad news. I’ve felt bad when I didn’t get something before, but I so wanted this, I was angry and sad and I think the woman, one of the interviewers from the previous day could sense my despair, because she sounded sorry about it. She said though, that I had impressed a lot and that they should keep me on the files. Not really any short term consolation.

KS and our friend MM came down to see me straight after the phone call, which I guess wasn’t all that great seeing as I was not exactly bright and shining with happiness, even though I was gonna go to Malaysia in a few hours. When MM left, I started crying too. I know it’s silly, but it’s a big thing for me to come and live in London from Norway, or Scotland, hoping to get a job where you’ve always wanted it, but then, when you were that close didn’t get it. I guess it’s a similar feeling to people who, hungry and thirsty in the middle of the desert sees a stream and run towards it only to discover the whole ting was Mir ash. So there I was crying like a baby. KS held me and told me it was going to be OK. That I was gonna get something quickly, that I was strong and shouldn’t give up. For a long time he sat like this. He, like me is a Christian, and had been praying for me to get the job a lot during my interview.

Then it was time for me to leave. I got to the airport ok, and met Sister in Amsterdam. The flight over to Malaysia went alright. It’s a very long flight, 11 hours, so we were happy when we finally got there. The journey wasn’t too bad though. We managed to sleep for at least half of it. I was sorry I didn’t have good news about my job to my parents who also had great’s hopes and faith min me. In my mind I had been fantasising about telling them that I got it while we had our first meal out in Bangsar, the part of KL where they live. For those of you who don’t know, KL is short for Kuala Lumpur. I feel I don’t really have anything to come back to when I go to London. Ok, I’ve got my friends, my flat, a great social life and a great place to go back to, but no job worth talking about!!!!

I am sitting very comfortably on the double bed I share with sister. I know that’s weird, but there are only double beds in this flat and sister and I have always slept together so it would be strange not to.

It’s good being here despite anything though. KS played me a lovely tune before I left. Its lyrics are beautiful, and I’ll find it and put it here. It’s by Dj Ironik and it’s called, So Nice.

“So Nice”
Alryt Itz Ironik Rite Now Yea I Gotta Big Up Rudekid On Da Produktion Man Coz Diz Tune Is Beutifull Like Ima Break It Down Foh U Lot In Da Bst Posible
Way Listen Tuu Da Word Man Carfully Look…

Im In Love With The Way That You Smile And The Way You Look In My Eyes Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Tings We Do Wen We Go Out It Feels Right Its
So Nice… Im In Love With The Way We Chat All Night Get Along And Ave No Fights Its So Nice… Who Says Relasionships Cant Work Out Man I Swear Down Dats
Not Rite Look… Im In Love With The Way That You Talk Im In Love With The Way That You Walk Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Perfume You Wear I Swear
No1 Cant Say Dats Not Nice…. Im In Love With The Way That You Say I Love You All The Time I Swear Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Way That Your All
Mine And Im In Love With The Way That Your So Rite… Im In Love With The Way That You Sing Along To Dis Song Everytime You Hear It Comin On And Im In
Love With The Way You Cry Sometimes Wen I Make A Mistake Its So Nice… So Nice… So Nice… Im In Love And I Can Feel It Cze Its So Rite And Its So
Nice… Im In Love With The Way That You Can Relate To Dis Song Everytime You Hear Comin On And Im In Love With The Way That You Come To My Shows And
Show Your Support Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Things That You Do And Im In Love With The Way That You Dont Ave A Clue Look Im In Love With You
Man… Its True Storys Man Look Im In Love With The Way That You Tell Your Frendz Dat U Love Me All Da Tyme Itz So Nice… Im In Love With The Way That
You Sleep And Im In Love With The Way That You Speak Itz So Nice…. Im In Love With The Way Tha We Come So Far In A Relationship Itz So Nice… Hu Says
Relationshipz Cant Last Years Man I Swear Dats Not Rite…. Im In Love With The Way That U Sing Along To Dis Song Everytime U Hear It Comin On And Im In
Love With The Way That U Cry Sumtymz Wen I Make A Mistake Itz So Nice… So Nice… So Nice… Im In Love I Can Feel It Cze Its So Rite And Its So Nice…

I Love Everything You Do Im In Love I No Its True Your Apart Of Wot I Do Im In Love And Itz Onli You… So Nice… So Nice… (Hey Sing Along Agen Man)
I Love Everything You Do Im In Love I No Its True Your Apart Of Wot I Do Im In Love And Itz Onli You… Yeah Yeah Its So Nice Yeah Oi Man Itz Ironik Listen…
Im In Love With The Way That U Sing Along To Dis Song Everytime U Hear It Comin On And Im In Love With The Way That U Cry Sumtymz Wen I Make A Mistake
Itz So Nice… So Nice… So Nice… Im In Love I Can Feel It Cze Its So Rite And Its So Nice… Im In Love With The Way That We Make Love And Im In Love
With The Way That Yur Laydee Like And Dont Say Dumb Words Like Brov… Itz So Nice… Everytingz Perfect And Im In Love With The Way That Yur Werfit
Im In Love With The Way That U Turf Dem Dem Dumb Boiz, Dem Hungry Guyz I Dont Care Coz Dere Not Werfit Im In Love With The Way Im Yur Man Im In Love
With The Way That U Respect Ma Fanz Im In Love With The Way That We Can Walk In The Streetz And Still Hold Hands (Itz So Nice) Im In Love With Ur Heart
(And Soul) Im In Love With The Way That Ur Beutiful Im In Love With D’z Lyrics Dere Meaninfull Im In Love With Its True Storys Haa I Swear Down Like…Dats All I Got Tuu Say But Dat Shud B E Nuff Yeah

The big interview

I arrived at the TV centre 15 minutes, in other words, in good time before my interview. I was ever so slightly impressed. A hispanic guy wanted to make sure I was confortable while waiting, so he gave me coffee and told me that if I ever needed anything, I could shout for him. I never do when people tell me I can, but it’s a nice gesture. I had to wait nearly half an hour as the interviews were running a bit late.

The people interviewing me were two women.They were very friendly and it looked like they’d read my application form well, cause they started asking me about Norway and Malaysia. The rest of the interview went ok. I did feel a little stupid when one of them asked me what I thought of the programme she was the editor for. I happen to really like it, and told her so. I had the feeling though that she wanted me to critique it a little bit more. When it came to the other question, I felt as if they were a little impressed with me, but that might just be me wishing. They asked me how I would run a story for their programme, find ideas angles, etc. And when they asked me about my research methods, I squeezed in why I researched like I did in relation to BBC policies. Having a degree in journalism also helped. I got given some questions where I could use all my academic knowledge.

well, I’ll know tomorrow. I hope it’s good news. At least if they’re bad, I’m going to Malaysia straight afterwards. I want it though, I want it, I want it!!!! Please God, Jesus, somebody!!!! Give me that job!! Please please please!!!!

Interview

I never learn do I? I mean, I never seem to have loads of time when I need loads of time, and I seem to have loads of time when it would in fact be better if I was in a rush. Today was a typical, wish I had more time today. I decided to leave on time so that I wouldn’t have to rush to get to my interview, which I did only to discover half way to the bus stop that I had forgotten my passport. Nobody had told me to bring it, but I feel safer having it on me in interview situations and I have needed it before, so it wasn’t completely random. I searched and searched and after five minutes, which seemed like an eternity, I finally found it and went back to the bus stop. I was lucky though, the bus came at once, and all tube changes went well. I got to where I as supposed to be on time. The hardest thing actually, was to get in. This interview is for a press office job for a high profile, politician, if you can call him that, so there were security guards everywhere.
The woman from the HR department who met me was really friendly and commented how calm I looked. I was nervous. Especially because I was going to have a test before the interview. Looking back, I almost think the test went better than the interview itself. It was a priority test where I got given a few hypothetical tasks and had to list them in the order I felt they were important. After that, it was time for the big interview. One thing which freaks me out when it comes to job interviews is that the interview panel have to be all calm and neutral. This does make sense, but it doesn’t exactly make me feel at ease with anything. I answered well on the first few questions but got stuck when they asked me what I thought about what the office of this politician was doing. I hadn’t managed to research it well, so I probably got slightly red before saying something about how I liked the variety of what they were working with, something they seemed to take down ok. I also asked them some questions at the end, but felt that went slightly strange because I asked them, among other things about annual leave and dress code. Ah well, I did ask more important questions before that, such as what was good about working where they worked and stuff. I’ll know tomorrow. I’ll prepare for the worst. That way I get less disappointed, but I do want that job!!!!

Funnily enough, there was a voice mail on my phone when I got out of the interview from the Hr department of the BBC, a job I was short listed for two months ago. I didn’t manage to get hold of whoever phoned, so don’t know what that’s all about, but let’s hope it’s an interview call.

After the exhausting interview, I went to meet a guy who was researching into making a documentary about blind people and dating. I was the first blind person he had ever met, so he had quite a lot of prejudices and presumptions, such as blind people only dating within a certain network etc. But he was cool and his presumptions seem to disappear as we were speaking. Actually, the guy was flirting with me… He asked if I wanted to be the main character in the documentary, but I told him I become a bitch when I’m in front of a camera, so it would be a better idea if I was in the background helping him with other documentary related things. I’ve been the main character in two documentaries before, and I know people find it hard to work with me. I hated being filmed, especially when they want to film stuff I don’t think is important.

Got a slight head ache, so it’s bed time for me soon. I keep fingers crossed that I’ll get the job!

Slow recovery

I am finally getting back to normal after two hectic days. I am in Norway now, in the tender care of Len. It was so good to see her again
1 Now we’re sitting here listening to 90s music and singing along. And I’m posting? Well, she got a phone call, so I’ll let her get on with that one.

Tuesday was a great day. First I went to a training course where I made some good contact. Afterwards, I had three hours to kill in London before I was heading to broadcasting house to be in the live audience of the Ouch podcast. I’ve listened to the show since it started in April last year, so I was pretty excited to see it performed. Especially since I know the assistant producer and of course I thought it was a great opportunity to network with some of the names in journalism who’re bigger than me. And the show was great. I hooked up with E, the assistant producer’s boyfriend and we went to broadcasting house together. The theatre in which the podcast took place was nearly full and it was a good atmosphere. The show was also good. The best one so far, which I guess have something to do with seeing it live. After that, We went for drinks and pizza with the producers one of the journalists, who actually remembered me interviewing him from a Scottish radio station I had a placement with six months ago and some casual friends. I was very flattered by the fact that he actually did remember me. After a long good evening of networking, we decided that it was more convenient for me to go back to E and R’s flat for a drink while I was waiting for a cab to take me home. When I finally came home around half one, I packed quickly before going to bed only to be up at five to get my cab to the train station.

The cab was late and I was starting to panic. The driver was unintelligent non English speaking one, who had been standing right next to my block for about 15 minutes. It took ages to get to Liverpool Street Station and I was certain that I was not going to make it. He luckily gave me five quid off the price, but I got mad when he put me in the ticket queue and lost my temper and told him to get me to the platform, which he did and which no driver has ever done before. Of course, there was a signal failure! The train was stuck, it was 07.30 and my plane was going to leave in an hour. I was going to miss it and pay an unreasonable amount for a flight later that day.

When I got to Stanstead, I was close to hysteria. I can’t cope with stress, because it gives me a migraine like headache, a problem all the women in my family seem to have. I really wasn’t keen on spending an entire day at stanstead, perhaps a night. There was no way I was going back home that day!

But I was in luck. When I got to the check in and explained that due to transport problems I had missed my plane to Oslo, the guy told me to get my passport out and he made a couple of phone calls before he said: “The plane’s delayed, so you’ll make it.” those were the most beautiful words I had heard in a long time. It was also the first time I was happy about a plane delay!

In fact, I waited for two hours at Stanstead listening to grumpy Norwegians complaining about the delay, which I would have done under normal circumstances. I even got a free journey to Stanstead! It’s really quite easy to commit train ticket fraud when you’re blind and live in the UK. All you need to do is either being hysteric like I was, or have you cane on visibly the table and headphones on. I’ve managed to get two free trips from Edinburgh to London doing that.

I arrived at Len’s place around five in the afternoon. On the train from the airport my migraine had, just as I predicted kicked in, so I collapsed on her sofa first thing. After a couple of pain killers, some pizza and some coke, I got well enough to make it through the evening before crashing in bed around midnight. Today I’ve just been feeling awful. Quite tired and not really very communicative, but it has been a good day. We stayed in, because the weather was not that nice, plus Len’s wheel chair isn’t all that great on ice. We talked about M and I. She reckons we’re not done with one another yet. When I asked her why, she said that things had ended way too quickly and been too good for it to be over so soon. I do agree with her, but being the one in the middle of it, I can’t be subjective really, so it was good to hear it from someone else. And she’s too good a friend to say it to be nice.

On a good note, I got an email about a job interview for the last job I applied for. I’m excited, but quite nervous, because there’s gonna be a test. On the other hand, I’ll make fat money if I get this job, so I hope and pray about it.

At work

Ok, so I am sitting here at work, working of course. What else is there to do at work I mean? Even better, one of my collegues showed me how to swich my laptop screen off, which is great since I am one of the lucky once who don’t have to use a screen in order to use a computer! Unfortunately though, he is the one collegue who makes his way over to my desk the most and turns my screen on if it happens to be off. Ah well, there are good and bad sides to everything!

Ok, I realise that I’m just rambling now, so I will go try to do some honest work and have lunch soon at some point.

It won’t be long before you hear from me again and then it will be more on the me and my hot, sexy lovely Canadian man! It’s not some bizarre erotic short story or my fantasies, it’s all my life!
Angel XX